


Disparition

by v01d



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-11
Updated: 2013-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-29 01:59:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v01d/pseuds/v01d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On an otherwise ordinary(ish) day in Night Vale, townspeople begin to disappear...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disparition

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place at some point between Episodes 24 and 32.
> 
> The song for the weather contains an NSFW line.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going out of the country, usually with at least five fake IDs and the contents of a secret bank account. Welcome to Night Vale.

Good evening, listeners. As you may or may not have noticed, people are disappearing from our small town. Recently there have been more missing persons reports filed than is the norm. According to the Night Vale Bureau of Statisticians and Funeral Directors, about sixteen percent of our town has gone missing since this morning.

The last time that this many people disappeared was when the Whispering Forest first appeared. So I sent Intern Stewart there to investigate. He reported that the forest did not appear to have grown significantly, but the forest is so beautiful, so does its size really matter?

“The leaves, Cecil,” he continued. “They’re so lush and green! And the bark… It’s like the forest is calling me…and it sounds so nice...” At this point I heard a muffled “clunk” as if a cell phone had been dropped down onto a mossy forest floor. So I think that it’s safe to assume that Stewart, like so many before him, has become one with the forest. My apologies to Stewart’s family, but remember: he technically isn’t dead, and in his new form, barring any fires or lumberjacks, he will probably outlive us all. Note to self: stop sending interns to the Whispering Forest. Our employee retention rate is low enough already.

This just in: Night Vale Mayor Pamela Winchell took a break from lying in the center of her official bloodstone circle while speaking in an unknowable, incomprehensible language that brings conflicting sensations of terror and tranquility to all that hear it to give a brief statement on the disappearances.

“This is nothing to worry about,” she said, her eyes rolling into the back of her head as she spoke. “People disappear all the time. We’re all disappearing right now, slowly dying and decaying, submitting to the entropy that is gradually destroying everything we know and love and all that we loathe and yet are completely oblivious to. The end is coming. Dytrc od vpzomh! Appl stpimf upi- Dytrc! Appl omdofr upi- Dytrc! Vapdr upit rurd- Dytrc! Nraorbr om s dzoaomh hpf- Dytrc! Dytrc Vptq: Oy od rbrtuyjomh,” she intoned in an increasingly alarming yet soothing tongue.

Well, you heard the Mayor, folks. There’s nothing to worry about. And on an unrelated note, the mayoral elections are coming up soon, so be sure to mark your calendars! But not with pen, as writing implements are still banned by the City Council. I recommend using a stick and a mixture of two parts goat’s blood, one part human saliva, and three parts grape jelly, as that seems to be particularly resistant to alterations to the fabric of reality. Just make sure to use jelly, not jam.

In other news, the Night Vale School Board has announced an exchange program. The enacting of this new program was mainly spearheaded by its President, the mighty Glow Cloud. All hail.

“AN IMPORTANT PART OF EDUCATION IS THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE, FOR THE GLOW CLOUD SEES ALL AND KNOWS ALL. COWER IN FEAR AND AWE OF THE GLOW CLOUD,” the School Board told reporters. “BY TRAVELING TO OTHER SCHOOLS, STUDENTS CAN EXPAND THEIR HORIZONS WHILE TELLING OTHERS OF THE GLORY THAT IS THE ALMIGHTY GLOW CLOUD, WHILE STUDENTS ARRIVING IN THE GLOW CLOUD’S DOMAIN SHALL LEARN THIS LESSON IN PERSON. ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD.”

All hail the Glow Cloud, indeed. The School Board has released a list of possible transfer schools. Exchange students have the opportunity to travel to Roswell, Nazca, Desert Bluffs (ugh), Cardiff, Lake Vostok, Chomolungma, Liawenee, and Cape Town. I’m sure that parents would be delighted to have their children travel to almost any one of those locations.

Bad news, listeners. I sent Intern Jessica to the Night Vale Bureau of Statisticians and Funeral Directors for an update on the disappearances, but the building was empty when she arrived. Jessica said that most of the houses on the west side of town are completely empty. I just texted Carlos, so hopefully he will be able to provide a scientific explanation for all of this. He always looks so excited when he talks science. It’s adorable.

Anyway, back to the news. The City Council has announced that due to an error in the printing of the official Night Vale 2014 calendar, the month of July will not be occurring next year. Well I say good riddance, listeners! Now the terrible, blazing, scorching, dry, blistering, calescent, stale, sizzling heat of summer will be a month shorter! And, remember that this is just my opinion, listeners, but who really cared about July, anyway? It’s like the ugly stepchild of the year. Its name looks too much like June, murder rates peak for the year, and its only holiday was banned 237 years ago. I completely support this accidental decision by the City Council, and not just because the abandoned mineshaft outside of town has recently experienced an outbreak of Ebola.

Moving on. In sports today, the Night Vale Scorpions were scheduled to play against the Desert Bluffs Vultures… but the game was cancelled and the victory given to Desert Bluffs because no one from the Scorpions showed up. Are you kidding me?! Jessica, go and check outside, see how many people are left!

Listeners, while I hate to contradict the word of our beloved Mayor, it would appear that these disappearances _are_ something to worry about. If the entire football team has disappeared…

And Carlos still hasn’t texted me back…

Intern Jessica is back, and she reports that Night Vale is like “a ghost town, but all of the ghosts died and went to ghost heaven.” It appears that even the Sheriff’s Secret Police, the agents of a vague yet menacing government organization, and the mysterious hooded figures have vanished. Oh dear. Jessica, can you go find the Mayor, or the Sheriff, or anyone and see if they can do something about this? Jessica?

…Jessica?

Listeners, if any of you are still there, please call this radio station. I’ll be waiting right here to answer.

…

…Maybe you broke your phone. Or lost it. Or forgot that the electricity stops working on prime-numbered days and you weren’t able to charge it and it ran out of batteries. If any of you are still out there, I’m leaving the studio to search for you. Hopefully I will be back soon.

But until then, the [weather](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbyzgeee2mg).

I’m back, listeners! And so is the rest of the town! You guy really had me worried! After I left the studio, I started looking in the buildings in the Town Square. Yes, I know that you were there for all of this, listeners, but indulge me for a minute. After all, I am a journalist at heart.

Unlike all of the other buildings in the Square, the Town Hall’s lights were out. So I entered the room, when suddenly the lights came on, and you all shouted “Happy birthday, Cecil!” And there was cake and balloons and Carlos was okay and… I think I’m tearing up a little. Thank you all for this wonderful celebration. I still can’t believe that I forgot that it was my birthday. I guess that the goat’s blood/human saliva/grape jelly mixture on my calendar isn’t as resilient as I thought.

Thank you all for what was quite possibly the best birthday ever, and may you all live to see your next birthday. Good night, Night Vale. Good night.

**Author's Note:**

> Today's proverb: Remember, if it looks like and angel, walks like and angel, and talks like an angel, then you’re probably just seeing things and should ignore it by order of the City Council. 
> 
> The weather for this fic was "Stonehenge" by Ylvis. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
